Struggling with Creativity

I had attempted to write each day for December, but it's really not working out. When I want to write is generally when I'm trying to work and the great ideas I have are often swamped by the complexities of my tasks here at the office.

Plus, I'm just finding it damn hard to write something interesting! And this led me to an ongoing thought stream I've had and that I pondered in some depth yesterday. You see, yesterday I watched the movie "The World's Fastest Indian" with Anthony Hopkins in it. Basically, the movie is about a Kiwi fellow by the name of Burt Munro who wants his 1920 model Indian motorcycle to be the fastest of its type in the world. He was focussed on his goal, lived, ate and breathed it and eventually it came to fruition. That passion, that burning desire to achieve a single goal - I don't have that.

Nope, no passion for anything in particular. Even the things I really like doing, if I couldn't do them any more I'd miss them but I'd probably move on without lamenting the fact on a daily basis. While I find this lack of passion somewhat disquieting it does have it's benefits. I find a balanced approach to life is much more easy. There is no sporting team that I love, no vehicle I love and no place I love. Likewise for the myriad other things that people are passionate about. I like certain cars, I like certain places and I enjoy various activities. But I'm not so passionate about it that I'll devote my life to them.

Is this mediocrity? A cover for a lack of self-confidence - a feeling that I can't be the best at anything so why try? I don't think so. As long as I'm giving my best effort I'm happy with the outcome. There is always some place to improve, but I'm not so crazed about it that I'll feel awful for ages afterward. I'd like to think I'm a bit Zen about the whole thing. The variables I can control are my own variables - the effort I'm making, the focus I've got etc. I find that the more passionate I am about something, the more pressure is on me to succeed and less enjoyment I ultimately get from it (even when I am successful).

I think that this could be applied to a few things for many people. Sport is the obvious example. I'm tied up with hockey and the like in my home town and nothing disgusts me more than moron spectators screaming at their kid, or someone else's kid or the umpire for what is happening on the field. There is very rarely a positive slant to these comments and it doesn't serve to help anyone out. Isn't the object to enjoy one's self whilst on the field? Don't we want to encourage our kids to do well - but praise the effort they make, in case the results aren't as wonderful as we expect from our progeny? At least this gives you an out -if they make a big effort but don't get to the line in the manner they/we expect, then you still have something great to say to them. And the effort is the only thing they can really control isn't it?! The results are often dependent on others, the environment or just dumb luck.

I guess I do have a passion after all - a passion for people to be reasonable and to look a bit beyond the moronic behaviour that is so often exhibited in this society. I'm not looking to apportion blame, but rather to suggest that things be considered in a slightly different light.

Expect this post to be edited :-)