Thursday, 15 May 2008

Self Worth

What do you think of when someone asks you about self worth? Is it merely a financial thing? Or does it refer to an overall way you think about yourself, your values and value or where you are going in life?

I ask these questions because I have recently had great cause to question my own self worth. Someone I care deeply about lost a someone they love recently and I was helpless to do anything. I am still feeling this way as I cannot do anything to save the person in question. This naturally led me to question my own self worth, my self-esteem, and confidence in myself. I've learned a few lessons and I'm not sure if they'll help others if they go through this, but I'll offer them anyway.

It's not always about you
This is something I've struggled with. When something bad happens to someone else and you can't help them, it's not about you. It's their grief, pain and anger that is shaping the situation. All you can do is offer support and if they choose to take it, then so be it. If they don't then that is their choice and you have to accept it, hard as it is.

Some of it *is* about you
Questioning your own self worth, feelings of inadequacy and jealousy in this sort of situation is about you. These things spring from internal conflicts or problems, not external ones. My challenge has (and still is) to move through these feelings without allowing them to impact on my loved ones. Jealousy in particular is dangerous. Sometimes it's warranted and sometimes it's not. When it isn't, then it is critical it can be controlled because it may very well develop in control issues. I refuse to allow this to happen - controlling someone in a relationship is the antithesis of why I'm in the relationship.

Focus on your blessings
Put the positive thoughts and images back into your life. Our thoughts shape the way things happen. Fear, jealousy and the like are negative influences on our life and shape things in the way we fear. Replacing negative thoughts with positive thoughts is a key factor to moving past these problems.

Seek help
Find a therapist, or a kinesiologist, or whatever to talk to about this. They will offer (if you get a good one) ways and means to work through feeling low self worth. Self Worth is tied up with lots of aspects of your life including (but not limited to):
  • self esteem
  • prosperity
  • confidence
  • love of self
  • love of others
Of course, these are pretty big things for anyone. For me, it's been about how I feel about myself and what my life path is. In context with my life, the double hit of what has happened and the sudden and immediate requirement for me to address these problems has put me through a loop. Most of the time I don't know how I feel with the exceptions of pain, loss, confusion and frustration.

My final piece of advice is this: Once you start to build or re-build your self-worth it's a tough road. It is your choice walk it or to remain where you are. My choice is to walk that path. I recommend you do it too. Once you look at where you were and the changes you've made to get to where you are, it's pretty amazing. I don't think I could go back to being the person I was before. So much of the sweetness of life passed me by. Now I'm actively looking for it and finding a small measure of peace as I go along.

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